by Audrey Matthews
I don’t think I became a procrastinator all at once.
It wasn’t like I woke up one day and decided, “I’m going to avoid everything important.” It was quieter than that. Smaller. It started with pushing things back just a little-ten minutes, then an hour, then “I’ll do it later tonight.”
“Later” became a place I visited too often.
At first, it felt harmless. I told myself I worked better under pressure anyway. That I needed the last-minute rush to focus. And sometimes, that was true. I’d sit down with barely any time left, heart racing, and somehow get it done.
But what I didn’t talk about was everything before that moment.
The way the task would sit in the back of my mind all day.
The constant low-level stress I pretended wasn’t there.
The way even small things started to feel bigger just because I kept avoiding them.
It wasn’t laziness, not really.
If anything, I thought about what I had to do too much. I’d plan it out in my head, imagine how I’d start, how I’d finish, how good it would feel to be done. I just… Wouldn’t actually begin.
There’s a strange kind of comfort in putting things off. As long as you haven’t started, you haven’t failed. The idea of doing something stays perfect in your head. Untouched. Safe.
But that safety comes at a cost.
Because eventually, “later” turns into “now,” whether you’re ready or not.
And then you’re sitting there, staring at the same thing you could have started hours ago, except now it feels heavier. Urgent. Less forgiving.
I’ve tried to change it in big ways before-new routines, strict schedules, promises to myself that this time would be different. And sometimes it worked… For a few days.
Then I slipped back.
What I’m starting to realize is that I don’t need a perfect system. I just need a smaller start.
Not finish the whole assignment.
Just open the document.
Not fix everything at once.
Just begin somewhere, even if it’s messy.
It sounds obvious, but it’s harder than it should be. Because starting means letting go of the idea that it has to be done well right away.
And maybe that’s what I’ve been avoiding all along.
Not the work itself, but the possibility that it won’t be perfect.
So this isn’t a story about how I stopped procrastinating.
Now, at least, I’m starting to notice the difference between waiting and avoiding.
About the Author
Audrey explores emotion, memory, and awkward social interactions. She edits her drafts more than she writes new ones. She is a student at UCLA studying psychology.