by Michelle L.
Healing didn’t appear when I expected it to.
I always thought it would be a bright, specific instant, where all of a sudden everything would feel lighter, and I’d know I was over it. But it didn’t show up that way. There was no single definitive point of change, no clear “before” and “after.”
It happened more gradually and subtly, easily overlooked.
Initially, I barely even noticed them. I just kept living my days the way I had before, assuming that was all there was and that was enough. But gradually, I realized that there were certain feelings and burdens that I wasn’t carrying as tightly as before.Thoughts that used to race through my head started quieting down, not because they had disappeared completely but because I wasn’t allowing them the same kind of room and space anymore.
There were still difficult days. Times when things would feel heavier again for no apparent reason, and I felt like I was regressing. But even then, I wasn’t stuck in them in quite the same way. I could move through them now, instead of just standing and spinning around in them.
The surprising thing was that healing didn’t always feel good.
Sometimes it felt like finally noticing things I had been looking away from for a long time. Sometimes it felt like discomfort, seeing parts of myself more clearly than I had before, and not being able to ignore them. Sometimes it just felt like nothing, like a simple day passing by without feeling quite so heavy.
I thought I had to “fix” myself before I could be ok. I think it’s more about learning how to remain present with myself, even when things aren’t resolved perfectly. Even when I don’t have all the answers. Even when I’m still trying to figure things out.
There is no finished product of me waiting at the end of this.
There is just me learning to carry what has happened to me without it becoming the whole story of who I am.
And perhaps that?s what healing is really like.
About the Author
Michelle is a data science student who enjoys writing in her free time. She is interested in patterns, both in numbers and in human stories, and explores ideas through a blend of analytical thinking and creative expression.